Time to change the story
Time to change the story.
The story each of us is telling ourselves. The one that keeps us in our rut.
It is the story that keeps us feeling safe and comfortable. It may keep us from stepping forward into our purpose. It may keep us from allowing our voice to emerge. It may keep us from acknowledging something in our past that we’d prefer simply stay hidden.
After all, we’re doing good things. Important things. We’ve got commitments and obligations.
And anyway, we can work on that thing tomorrow. Next week. Next year. When we get the next job. When the big bill is paid off. When the kids are a certain age.
The story keeps us safe and comfortable.
But we didn’t come here to be safe and comfortable because safe and comfortable keeps us stuck in fear and stuck in a rut. We came here for a why. We came here for a purpose.
The energy right now is turbulent but it is also deeply transformative.
Do the thing. The smallest step, the smallest action that your heart is calling you towards.
Tomorrow, do the next thing.
Your horizon expands with each step you take through the fear.
let love in
Right now we have things coming up around boundaries and healing. This includes a karmic aspect with the opportunity to clear some wounds that we carry and to rethink how we do boundaries.
The image that keeps emerging is that of a crumpled plastic water bottle like the one on the left.
When we get wounded, whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or some combination, we can get crumpled, dented, and bent out of shape just like that plastic bottle.
And then, to protect ourselves, we can shut ourselves down tight. We screw a lid on our energy. We think that, by keeping everything out, we will be safer.
We may also find that we start using our wounds as boundaries. Everyone one of those crumples, dents, and bends contains anger, resentment, shame, and judgment. So our boundaries become a response to what has happened to us instead of what we want to happen. It is why we can lash out with any and all of those emotions when we finally begin to work on boundaries and we feel that someone just crossed one!
So, how do we heal?
Unfortunately, we can’t take that plastic bottle, with the lid screwed on tight, and ‘pull’ all the crumples, dents, and bends out of it.
If we want to have our boundaries look more like the vase on the right, smooth, clearly defined, and easily fillable, we have to do two things.
First, we’re going to have to take that lid off. We have to begin to open ourselves up so we can let things in. And yes, that can be scary!
Everybody does this differently. Counseling, body work, meditation, self-help books and groups, and energy work are various examples that some have used on their healing journey. You may find one or multiple ways that help you.
Secondly, we actually have to begin to let things in. Specifically, we have to let love in.
Now right there, some of you just thought "nope, that’s how I got hurt in the first place. Not trusting anyone enough to let them in".
That’s ok. You don’t have to let someone in. But you do need to let love in.
That love can be the love of nature. Go lay in a meadow, listen to the heartbeat of the earth, watch the clouds, and let nature’s love connect to your heart. Let yourself be loved.
It may be the love of a pet or of animals that you can connect with. Really feel the love that they carry. Feel the unconditional love they have for you.
It may be that you can let in the love of someone you trust, or the love from little children. Feel that love and let yourself be loved.
Or perhaps the love you can let it is the love from spirit, or angels, or the cosmos, or the divine. Feel and know that you are loved.
And finally, also let your own love in. Place your hands on your heart and let yourself love yourself.
This love is what pushes out the crumples, the dents, and the bent parts. This love is what fills us up and allows us to have some love to give to others - whether it be nature, animals, or people.
Being filled with love pushes out our boundaries. It helps us be very clear about where we end and where others begin - but from a space of being more comfortable in ourself rather from those wounded, crumpled edges.
If you’re feeling like that plastic bottle, the first step is to find a safe space and path to begin to allow that lid to come off. Many find this easier if there is someone or a process to help support them. As you begin to open, even just a little, also seek the places where you can let love in.
Because you are loved. And you are love.
The wisdom in, and of, the planet is emerging. This is helping to bring forth in us new creativity, innovation, and different ways of being.
But also coming up are the traumas that have been stored in the planet. Injuries against people, the land, and beings of all types. This is helping to bring up emotions and traumas in each of us that are seeking to be healed.
Dealing with these unhealed wounds can trigger fear and resistance - in ourselves and those around us. But the goal of these coming up is not to keep us focused on the past or to relive what has happened, but to allow us to release what is keeping us stuck.
However, the triggering of these unhealed wounds can also cause us to sabotage our growth to help ‘keep us safe’.
We. Can. Sabotage. Our. Own. Growth.
We can get super busy, filling every moment as if our moments only have value if they have something we can show for it - even if that something is simply a social media post or a purchase.
We can check out. Distractify. Look to alcohol, drugs, or other mood altering activities to help us zone out.
We can focus on the past; on what happened to us, our losses, our mistakes, where we've been the victim, where we have shame.
We can put up walls and keep everyone out. We can stand on our hyper-independence and send clear messages that we don’t need anyone else. [hint, we do]
~ ~ ~ ~
How do we stop the spiral away from our future and step into the invitation for release and healing that this current energy flow is bringing? We first need to return back to the moment. Now, returning to the moment is different for everyone. But some things that help for some include the following.
Notice your breath.
Pay attention (deep attention) to whatever you are doing.
Honor your mind and body’s need for time away from your devices.
Connect to nature - even if it is through a window.
Make something with your hands. A meal. Garden. Doodle.
Give yourself some agenda-free time to go with the flow.
Connect with someone over coffee or a walk or a call. Talk about the real stuff.
Let yourself be loved.
~ ~ ~ ~
Explore and find what works for you. This sort of opening and release energy is going to be with us through at least the spring.
And, if you’re not feeling triggers, emotions, and traumas coming up to release, yay! Celebrate that level of healing and see if you want to step into the new creativity, innovation, different ways of being that are also emerging.
Dream. Imagine. Vision.
This is a good week to reflect inward but with an eye to the horizon.
Where are you headed?
What is your heart calling you to?
Who is it that you came here to be?
In can be easy in the hustle and bustle of life to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Doing doing doing. But you need to find some time for reflection. Some time to search your soul and listen to your heart.
Maybe you don’t have the luxury of long chunks of time for a weekend retreat or an hour of journaling or night off to yourself. That’s ok. Start where you are, with what you have; even it is only 5-10 minutes a day.
Sitting by the window, staring outside, while drinking your morning coffee totally counts [just leave the cell phone in the other room]. Too noisy in your home? Pull into a quiet parking lot for a few minutes on your drive to/from work on while doing errands.
Use the time to to be curious about your path. See what feels important to you at this point in your life. How are you being in your ‘being-ness’? What do you need to let go of, what do you need to pick up?
Build the energetic architecture of your future.
If the analogy is ‘building a house’, you’re still in the ‘is this going to be a ranch or two-story?’ stage. You might not even have selected a lot to build on yet. Maybe in the end, you decide rather have an apartment instead.
Let the details wait.
Hold your ideas loosely, you’re not making a commitment at this stage. So you can have fun imagining. Imagine again. Then imagine even again.
We’re in an energy current with a strong activating flow that will support expansion, creative endeavors, and entrepreneurship.
Transformation is happening fast.
However, transformation changes our identity. And identity changes can bring up all sorts of traumas, fears, and anxieties.
Many of us have strong need for approval and validation. We seek approval so that we can feel that we belong. There is, of course, never a set bar for the amount of approval that we must feel to belong, therefore we are always striving for approval.
In this energy flow, we also have the opportunity to untether. To untether some of the old stories that originally came from others that help us remain small. But it is rarely that others or their stories actually keep us small. More commonly, we proactively try to remain in the box that we think others wish us to remain in. It is us implementing our perception of their expectations that keep us small.
It is our own mind games.
Sometimes the way forward is through.
Our throat chakra is often our sticking point to identity changes. To try to keep us safe, our voice constricts to slow us down and keep our identity from changing.
Beginning to express ourselves is key. Whether it be our verbal spoken voice, our written voice, the way we present ourselves, or the choices we make, we must allow ourselves to express what is in our heart and soul.
For many, there are old wounds, new traumas, and systemic pressures around our voice. Many who have been told through words or actions that their voice didn’t matter. That their voice didn’t need to be heard. That their voice should be quiet.
These are lies.
Your voice has important things to say. Your voice is worthy to be heard.
Maybe you begin by writing down your words and reading them aloud.
Maybe you begin by speaking your words while alone in your car.
Maybe you begin by sketching those images running in your head.
The more we begin to express who we are, the more our identity becomes real to us.
The the more real our identity feels (the more comfortable we are in our skin), the easier it is to untether from old stories, patterns, and what we think are the expectations of others.
‘What you seek, is seeking you'*. Your becoming is seeking you and you are seeking to become.
But becoming does not come about simply through seeking. We have to allow our voice and throat chakra to express our emerging identity.
*Quote from Rumi
Stop fighting yourself
Those were words that my myofascial release therapist said while she was working to open up a restriction and I was trying to direct my breath and body to push against it as well. But while she was gently coaxing, I was pushing hard and my body was tensing up and fighting against itself.
I feel like this is happening all over in my world.
Been talking to people who are trying really hard to ‘make something happen’. Like me, they are pushing hard to get something to start, end, change or release and making it more stuck with every push.
Alternately, others are so afraid that something will happen they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. They describe parts of their life as walking on eggshells.
Eggs are expensive right now, but sometimes it is cheaper and healthier just to smash the eggs and walk on through the situation.
So we can breathe.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
So our heart can expand.
So our shoulders can drop.
And we stop fighting ourself.
So we can find the flow in our life.
There’s a lotta fight energy in the world right now.
We gotta stop fighting ourself. We gotta start loving ourself even more.
Place your hands on your heart and ask, “honey, what do you need right now?”
Remembering who you are
There’s increasing numbers of individuals bumping into their spiritual path.
Sometimes this bumping resembles a hugely traumatic crash; other times, these seep in like a disorientating fog.
Often, these are people who have been quite entrenched in and reasonably satisfied with their lives. They’ve been successful in jobs, education, relationships, and hobbies.
And then, ‘things’ started happening.
They begin feeling like something is missing in their life.
They start asking questions about what they believe. Sometimes, these are also associated with dark nights of the soul or an existential crisis.
They begin to find emotions showing up that they’ve not felt in a long time, if ever.
They’re having different experiences. They know they’re not ‘crazy’, but they also don’t feel they can talk about these with their family and friends because they will be thought of as ‘crazy’.
They don’t know how to describe what is happening.
And through it all, there’s this strong heart pull towards a purpose. They feel like they ‘should’ be doing something, but they have no idea what it is.
Perhaps this is you. Perhaps it is someone you know.
There’s a strong energy flow right now for awakening of our spirit. This spiritual awakening isn’t tied to any religious or non-religious path. Instead, it is a path for us to remember who we are.
Each of us is a unique facet of divine source. The life we live is an expression of universal consciousness. We came here for a reason. For a purpose, or a series of purposes. To learn things. To help to create the future.
If this is you, you’re not alone.
But you may feel pretty lonely.
Begin to explore some things in the spiritual world that feel comfortable to you. Maybe it is a group sound healing, a yoga class, a Reiki session, or a mediation group. Whether it is in-person, online, or a combination, it is critical that you find your people and find your connections where your voice doesn’t have to walk on eggshells, you feel understood, and others seem to be asking the same sorts of questions that you are.
You’ll know you are finding your people and connections when your heart and soul begin to feel like you’ve come to a familiar place that you can’t quite remember.
There’s a resonance in your heart and soul that whispers home.
A pathway through the drama trauma
Sometimes, someone I know, work with, or care about, says or does something that hurts me. And, I’m 100% sure that I’m not the only person who experiences this.
Sometimes, I know for certain that they care about me. This isn’t a typical response for them and it’s not their heart to go out of their way to hurt someone.
But they just did. I just got hurt.
So, now what? Because despite Mercury being out of retrograde, there’s a tremendous amount of high intensity energy for change right now. Change often causes us, or those around us, to feel off balance and respond out of our hurts. So, you might be bumping into this more than you expect.
l can lash back and out and scorch the earth behind them. “Well, let me tell you about you, how you just hurt me, and everything else that has ever come up between us.” That typically exacerbates things and creates more drama trauma.
I can stuff it down. Ignore it. Pretend it didn’t happen. If you’re like me, you know how well that works. It festers and then this pent-up resentment, anger, or frustration comes out sideways and creates a lot of drama trauma. Usually in the least helpful moment, as well.
In times like this, I try to remember Brené Brown’s quote: All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.
If I can start with, ‘everybody is going through a lot, they are probably trying their best, and part of this is about them, not me’, then I am more likely to approach the situation in a way that is going to be helpful and not create more drama trauma.
I also try to remember that if something triggers me, it is because I have a trigger. There’s a bazillion things around me on any given day that could trigger me but, most days, most of them don’t. So, I what’s up with this one? I probably have a wound, a hope, or an expectation around it.
So, they’re not off the hook for what they said or did, but I also try to recognize that I might have something in me that is contributing to this situation.
So, this is where I try to dredge up some emotional intelligence.
I might start by telling the person, “Hmm, what you what you said hit something in me, and it hurt a bit. I clearly need to work on me and what got triggered, but I’m wondering if you would you consider phrasing that differently in the future or, if I’m doing something that bothers you, could you bring it up earlier so perhaps we could talk about it differently?”
As you can imagine, this is best when it comes out in fairly level, calm tone. [Ha!]
Also, sometimes, I need to walk away to dredge up this emotional intelligence. If I can (and I can’t always), I try to say something like “I need some time to think about that and I’ll circle back to this conversation later.”
I find that when I approach things in this way, I usually get some pretty quick information. Sometimes the person responds with a negative or antagonistic response. It feels like jab, jab, jab. Unless they come back with an apology and acknowledge the work they need to do to change their own behavior, that’s a relationship I need to rethink. If they’re stuck in trauma drama, they’re not someone I can grow with on my own journey. And, if I think I should stick with them to help them change, that codependency is gonna drag me down [and that’s a whole another topic!].
But if they respond with something like “oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you but you’re right, I did say/do something hurtful. I value our connection and so I do need to figure out how to do/say this differently.”, well then this is a relationship everyone can grow in. We can support each other.
And even more than that, we can have fun and find joy.
And gratitude, peace, play, and joy are going to be big topics this season.
own your energy
You body has an energy.
Medically and scientifically, your energy can be detected from beyond your body. This energy can be identified as waves, particles, vibrations, and frequencies.
Your energy doesn’t stop at the edge of your skin. And, the energy of others doesn’t stop at their skin.
Your energy can extend for several feet in every direction.
Your energy ripples out from you just like water rippling out after a stone is dropped into a smooth lake. The difference is that your energy is rippling out all the time.
And the energy of others is rippling out all the time.
Your energy impacts others and you are impacted by the energy of other people, beings, things, and spaces.
You know this if you’ve ever experienced an emotional outburst from someone across the room. You could feel it.
Some people ‘light up a room’. Some people ‘drain it’.
Some places feel holy and sacred. Some places feel toxic.
You might find yourself relaxing with your pet while being energized by a hike in the woods.
Own your energy.
You have the ability to modulate your own energy and to create your own energy boundaries.
I like to imagine that my energy field is surrounded by a ‘cell membrane’. This membrane keeps my energy from leaking out and helps select what comes into my energy field.
What do you allow into your energy field?
There are certain kinds of movies, music, food, and places that don’t settle well into my energy at this point in my life. These will be different for everyone so it is important to notice what feeds your energy in a way that builds love, compassion, and interconnection and what drains your energy or feeds your anger, fear, and separation.
Sometimes these drains are people. Providing someone a life preserver is quite different than being spiritually on call or providing support on demand.
If you find yourself in a consistently unequal energy relationship where you are not a caregiver or parent, try being unavailable at the next request and see what happens. If you are met with efforts to shame or bully you, it may be time to reconsider the time and energy you put into the relationship.
Finally, you may also find that you frequently take energy from others. We all need support at times but it is not healthy to consistently take energy from others without generating and maintaining our own.
Always drawing from others is just as harmful as never asking for or accepting support.
Your energy is a valuable resource. And, it is your energy. Are there ways to grow and expand how you own your own energy?
your original medicine
What’s going around right now is a bit of imposter syndrome. The fears and doubts that come with imposter syndrome can cause us to question our worth, play it safe, sabotage our work, keep us small, or dismiss our journey.
Here’s a few things in the energy world that might be accentuating feelings of imposter syndrome.
One of the antidotes to the feelings of imposter syndrome is to find your medicine.
Find your original medicine.
Original Medicine arises from shamanic traditions and is based on the belief that each of us has unique gifts and talents. These are our ‘original medicine’.
We came here to bring our original medicine into the world. Our world needs our unique gifts and talents.
Furthermore, we need them. We have a deep longing to live and express our original medicine. If we don’t, we always feel that some part of us is missing.
As you seek to know and explore your original medicine, it may be helpful to remember and contemplate on the following.
You are unique. Your path is unique. You don’t belong in the tiny boxes defined by the world around you but, sometimes, you try to squeeze into those to ‘fit it’ or for the approval of others. Instead, embrace the parts of you that seem different. These are parts that the world needs.
You chose to come here at this time. Yeah, I know. Life can feel hard at times. But if you are here right now, it is because you felt it was important to be here at this time. You came here with a ‘why’; there is a reason why you are here.
You have not lost your medicine. You’re never too old, and it is never too late. It may be that you have forgotten about your original medicine as you went about your daily life and tried to turn off that little spiritual voice of your soul. But your original medicine is not lost. As you seek it, you will find that it is seeking you as well.
Find your people. Find those who speak your language, the language of your heart. Find those who encourage you and allow you to encourage them. Find those with whom your voice is valued. The world we experience is a harmony of who we are individually, and who we are collectively.
Your medicine wants to be seen. Your fire is seeking to express. Start small, but start somewhere, somehow, someplace. Being seen doesn’t require a national platform or huge audience. Your’s may be within your friends or family. Everyone’s ‘being seen’ is different.
Center, root, and ground. To remain on your path, you need to care for your full self: mind, body, heart, soul, emotions, spirit, all of it, all of you. Your medicine is embodied work. Nurture yourself.