Sometimes, someone I know, work with, or care about, says or does something that hurts me. And, I’m 100% sure that I’m not the only person who experiences this.
Sometimes, I know for certain that they care about me. This isn’t a typical response for them and it’s not their heart to go out of their way to hurt someone.
But they just did. I just got hurt.
So, now what? Because despite Mercury being out of retrograde, there’s a tremendous amount of high intensity energy for change right now. Change often causes us, or those around us, to feel off balance and respond out of our hurts. So, you might be bumping into this more than you expect.
l can lash back and out and scorch the earth behind them. “Well, let me tell you about you, how you just hurt me, and everything else that has ever come up between us.” That typically exacerbates things and creates more drama trauma.
I can stuff it down. Ignore it. Pretend it didn’t happen. If you’re like me, you know how well that works. It festers and then this pent-up resentment, anger, or frustration comes out sideways and creates a lot of drama trauma. Usually in the least helpful moment, as well.
In times like this, I try to remember Brené Brown’s quote: All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.
If I can start with, ‘everybody is going through a lot, they are probably trying their best, and part of this is about them, not me’, then I am more likely to approach the situation in a way that is going to be helpful and not create more drama trauma.
I also try to remember that if something triggers me, it is because I have a trigger. There’s a bazillion things around me on any given day that could trigger me but, most days, most of them don’t. So, I what’s up with this one? I probably have a wound, a hope, or an expectation around it.
So, they’re not off the hook for what they said or did, but I also try to recognize that I might have something in me that is contributing to this situation.
So, this is where I try to dredge up some emotional intelligence.
I might start by telling the person, “Hmm, what you what you said hit something in me, and it hurt a bit. I clearly need to work on me and what got triggered, but I’m wondering if you would you consider phrasing that differently in the future or, if I’m doing something that bothers you, could you bring it up earlier so perhaps we could talk about it differently?”
As you can imagine, this is best when it comes out in fairly level, calm tone. [Ha!]
Also, sometimes, I need to walk away to dredge up this emotional intelligence. If I can (and I can’t always), I try to say something like “I need some time to think about that and I’ll circle back to this conversation later.”
I find that when I approach things in this way, I usually get some pretty quick information. Sometimes the person responds with a negative or antagonistic response. It feels like jab, jab, jab. Unless they come back with an apology and acknowledge the work they need to do to change their own behavior, that’s a relationship I need to rethink. If they’re stuck in trauma drama, they’re not someone I can grow with on my own journey. And, if I think I should stick with them to help them change, that codependency is gonna drag me down [and that’s a whole another topic!].
But if they respond with something like “oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you but you’re right, I did say/do something hurtful. I value our connection and so I do need to figure out how to do/say this differently.”, well then this is a relationship everyone can grow in. We can support each other.
And even more than that, we can have fun and find joy.
And gratitude, peace, play, and joy are going to be big topics this season.
You body has an energy.
Medically and scientifically, your energy can be detected from beyond your body. This energy can be identified as waves, particles, vibrations, and frequencies.
Your energy doesn’t stop at the edge of your skin. And, the energy of others doesn’t stop at their skin.
Your energy can extend for several feet in every direction.
Your energy ripples out from you just like water rippling out after a stone is dropped into a smooth lake. The difference is that your energy is rippling out all the time.
And the energy of others is rippling out all the time.
Your energy impacts others and you are impacted by the energy of other people, beings, things, and spaces.
You know this if you’ve ever experienced an emotional outburst from someone across the room. You could feel it.
Some people ‘light up a room’. Some people ‘drain it’.
Some places feel holy and sacred. Some places feel toxic.
You might find yourself relaxing with your pet while being energized by a hike in the woods.
Own your energy.
You have the ability to modulate your own energy and to create your own energy boundaries.
I like to imagine that my energy field is surrounded by a ‘cell membrane’. This membrane keeps my energy from leaking out and helps select what comes into my energy field.
What do you allow into your energy field?
There are certain kinds of movies, music, food, and places that don’t settle well into my energy at this point in my life. These will be different for everyone so it is important to notice what feeds your energy in a way that builds love, compassion, and interconnection and what drains your energy or feeds your anger, fear, and separation.
Sometimes these drains are people. Providing someone a life preserver is quite different than being spiritually on call or providing support on demand.
If you find yourself in a consistently unequal energy relationship where you are not a caregiver or parent, try being unavailable at the next request and see what happens. If you are met with efforts to shame or bully you, it may be time to reconsider the time and energy you put into the relationship.
Finally, you may also find that you frequently take energy from others. We all need support at times but it is not healthy to consistently take energy from others without generating and maintaining our own.
Always drawing from others is just as harmful as never asking for or accepting support.
Your energy is a valuable resource. And, it is your energy. Are there ways to grow and expand how you own your own energy?
What’s going around right now is a bit of imposter syndrome. The fears and doubts that come with imposter syndrome can cause us to question our worth, play it safe, sabotage our work, keep us small, or dismiss our journey.
Here’s a few things in the energy world that might be accentuating feelings of imposter syndrome.
One of the antidotes to the feelings of imposter syndrome is to find your medicine.
Find your original medicine.
Original Medicine arises from shamanic traditions and is based on the belief that each of us has unique gifts and talents. These are our ‘original medicine’.
We came here to bring our original medicine into the world. Our world needs our unique gifts and talents.
Furthermore, we need them. We have a deep longing to live and express our original medicine. If we don’t, we always feel that some part of us is missing.
As you seek to know and explore your original medicine, it may be helpful to remember and contemplate on the following.
You are unique. Your path is unique. You don’t belong in the tiny boxes defined by the world around you but, sometimes, you try to squeeze into those to ‘fit it’ or for the approval of others. Instead, embrace the parts of you that seem different. These are parts that the world needs.
You chose to come here at this time. Yeah, I know. Life can feel hard at times. But if you are here right now, it is because you felt it was important to be here at this time. You came here with a ‘why’; there is a reason why you are here.
You have not lost your medicine. You’re never too old, and it is never too late. It may be that you have forgotten about your original medicine as you went about your daily life and tried to turn off that little spiritual voice of your soul. But your original medicine is not lost. As you seek it, you will find that it is seeking you as well.
Find your people. Find those who speak your language, the language of your heart. Find those who encourage you and allow you to encourage them. Find those with whom your voice is valued. The world we experience is a harmony of who we are individually, and who we are collectively.
Your medicine wants to be seen. Your fire is seeking to express. Start small, but start somewhere, somehow, someplace. Being seen doesn’t require a national platform or huge audience. Your’s may be within your friends or family. Everyone’s ‘being seen’ is different.
Center, root, and ground. To remain on your path, you need to care for your full self: mind, body, heart, soul, emotions, spirit, all of it, all of you. Your medicine is embodied work. Nurture yourself.
Welcome to 2023 and the new year!
The energy of this season is inviting us to be seen.
For some, this invitation is to allow ourselves to be seen by others. For some, this is an invitation to see ourselves.
Externally, there will be waves of change happening around us. Those waves of change will be happening regardless of whether we ride the waves or hunker down and let the waves crash over over us.
What will help us navigate these waves is our inner fire.
We’re being invited to the energy of our fire. To nurture our inner fire. To allow our inner fire to expand and rise. To allow our inner fire to be seen.
Our inner fire is fed when we acknowledge our personal sovereignty and take steps to set boundaries and ask for what we need. Sometimes we find that the person who most needs to hear what we need is ourself.
Our inner fire expands when we speak our truth in love. Speaking our truth sometimes looks like words and sometimes looks like actions. Speaking our truth isn’t about spewing our thoughts onto others to shame or 'encourage' them into changing. Speaking our truth doesn't require us to get on a soapbox and share our truths with everyone and anyone. Speaking our truth means getting really clear on what our truth is! Because then, our truth simply flows from us in how we live our life.
Our inner fire wants to be seen. Actually, it wants to shine. Don't worry, shining doesn't mean you have to be a flashy presence in the public eye. Think of yourself as a lighthouse. Just quietly shining in the storm. And if you're someone who loves sparkly glitter, then let your lighthouse shine with sparkly glitter. You be you.
Because you being you is what it is all about. You being you came here for a specific purpose. For some reason. You trying to be someone else isn’t helping anyone, much less yourself.
You be you. Because that’s the you the world needs.
That’s the you that you need.
This week’s energy has depth to it. There’s an invitation to simultaneously look inward and towards the horizon.
The inward look takes us to our soul and our purpose. Who are we? Why are we here?
The look to the horizon calls us to action. Where is our path taking us? What is our next right step?
This timing, at the end of 2022, is a perfect space to anchor in our intentions for the new year and to plan for the future.
2023 has strong, almost laser focused, transformational energy within it. Our spirit is being called more and more to step into who we came here to be. It is time to let our light be seen in increasing measure. For each of us, how we do this will be different so don’t feel that your path needs to look like someone else’s.
Where is it that you are feeling a need to allow your light, love, and purpose to expand? For some who have recently reconnected with their intuitive self, this journey is likely to begin with inward changes and expansion. For those who have been on this path for a while, it is more likely to be external changes and expansion.
As we reflect back on our experiences, growth, gifts, and learnings from 2022, what wants to come forward into 2023? Intentions don’t need to be complicated goals or visioning, intentions can be as simple as noticing a desire for more peace or gratitude in our life.
What do you want to cultivate in you and in the world around you?
This is a time of transformation, i.e. change. Change sometimes feels bumpy. We ride those waves better when the frequency of our energy is high (gratitude, joy, peace) and we are grounded and centered.
We are all pieces of all the people we meet and the experiences we have. Some build us up. Some tear us down. Some trap us in drama. How can you increase your connection within the world in ways that also support your light?
Look for ways to nurture yourself. Playing your favorite music. Going for a walk in a park. Short rituals with your morning coffee, evening wind-down, or on your drive home.
Breathe in the peace of this season. Let it permeate every cell in your body.
Energy flow through the calendar year:
The year starts a bit contracted (a continuation of the energy from the end of December) and then widens through mid-April with a strong activating flow that will support expansion, creative endeavors, and entrepreneurship.
May through June has more of a yin/yang energy. Lots of light, lots of shadow, and all with strong emotional underpinnings. July and August has more of the same but may also have more volatility as the tables begins to flip and these tables may be figurative or literal.
And then in September and October, everything S.L.O.W.S. down with a significant contracture. This one may feel like being in severe traffic construction gridlock and it may be helpful to get off the beaten path and take the scenic route. Or, put another way, we may be pushed to get out of our ruts!
In the final months the year, the energy begins to untangle and lighten like a slow long exhale. This period also contains threads of mental energy linked to contemplation and reflection upon our stories and beliefs.
There are several potential bubbles throughout 2023 (February, April, June, July, August, October). These include infrastructure systems, politics, financial markets, and changes in nature. Whether they heat up enough to ‘pop’, depends on how our individual and collective hearts approach our values.
Themes to watch for in 2023:
Transformation happening fast. It is not just that things are speeding up, things are speeding up exponentially. Change always feels a bit unsteady even when it is in areas we desire and/or coupled with creative endeavors and entrepreneurship. When expansions happens quickly, we feel like we’re in constant movement. Even for those who are grounded and centered, this is going to have an unsettled feeling until we adjust to the new energy levels and re-find our balance.
Create space for reflection, visioning, and planning. Remember, we don’t have to ride every wave.
Deconstruction & reconstruction. For those who wish to transform, there will be significant opportunities to jettison old templates both personally and within the collective. For those who wish the old ways to remain, things may get more frenetic as the competition and friction between old and new systems rises more to the surface.
There’s a growing forward-moving energy to ‘reconstruct’ but it cannot fully emerge or embed until there is enough deconstruction to create space for new roots and growth. This will bring emotions to the surface. For some it will be more soft and tender, for many it may feel more volatile, even revolutionary.
Intuition continues to expand. The grid of human interconnection strengthens with new openings of intuition and heart-based energy. Particularly this latter is spilling out into the galactic leylines and influencing our planet’s connections and emergence into the cosmic chessboard in a new way. More galactic portals and gates begin to emerge.
Internal landscape shifts and personal power. Our gifts that we’ve tended to hide in the shadows want to come forward as part of our personal power. Value systems, especially those related to our spiritual growth, will undergo deep review and scrutiny at the individual, community, and global level.
There’s strong reformation energy emerging but it is hitting a hierarchical gridlock. This reformation energy, which may easily turn into revolution energy, will likely persist into at least 2024. Will we choose to do things to that harmonize or de-harmonize ourself and others? As trite as it sometimes seems, it is essential to pay attention to the energy, words, and stories we put out into the world.
Into next year. 2023-2024 are significant shifting years for earth and humanity. These are a bridge into the second half of this decade which is a foundational gateway for the rest of the century.
Transformational change and identity shifts are moving through the collective right now.
These are the deep questions of ‘who am I’ and ‘why am I here’. This is the deer in the headlights feeling that something radical is changing within.
Sometimes these show up as dark nights of the soul. Sometimes these show up as an existential crisis.
They are needed. Our heart and our soul are aching to change. But these can be hard, painful, and disorienting and, right now, are happening with breath-taking speed.
Identity shifts can cause us to fall out of sync with longstanding relationships. Jobs may no longer feel like a good fit. Favorite hobbies may no longer interest us.
We can be tempted to play it safe. To not rock the boat. To color inside the lines. To wait until tomorrow or next week or whenever it looks like it will be easier to start, with fewer distractions, and more guaranteed to be successful.
But with each step that takes us closer to our essence, purpose, and more authentic nature, our heart and soul are celebrating. Because what can feel like loss to our human self is a return to our purpose and our reason for being.
We are worthy of being the person we came here to be. We are worthy of living the life of our purpose.
As our path changes, we need to allow ourselves to change. We need to allow others to change.
We need to find ‘our people’ - those whose hearts are on the same journey and who share our language. Yesterday, in a class I was teaching, I was reminded of this short poem by Shel Silverstein:
She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by -
And never knew.
Sometimes, finding our people means we need to be a little bit brave and step a little bit out of our comfort zone.
Empaths and the holiday season can sometimes feel like a stressful overload, people-pleasing, boundary porous, recipe for disaster. This year, has seen an expansion of intuitive gifts with our empathic side expanding as well. More people are stepping into and exploring their intuitive empath natures.
Empaths are those folks who have extra sensitive antenna for sensing the feelings and emotions of those around them. Sometimes empaths feel an emotion such as sadness and they recognize that someone around them is sad. Other times, empaths may feel sadness in themselves and wonder why they are sad. Empaths often need to learn to sort out whether what they are feeling is theirs, someone else’s, or from a collective or community.
The holiday season can be a time of overwhelm and it is not uncommon for tensions to run high and for some people to be anxious, upset, or frustrated.
When empaths walk into the room, they feel the anxiety, upset, or frustration that is swirling in the space. They may even become anxious, upset, or frustrated themselves.
The natural response is to want to make these feelings go away.
To change the energy in the space, empaths often try to fix things - at least on a superficial, keep the peace sort of way. In this process, empaths may silence their voice, minimize their needs, and ignore things that are inappropriate.
So, what’s an empath to do?
First off, there are some situations empaths might consider avoiding. If you know it is going to be a high tension event with volatile emotions running amuck, perhaps it is best to decline the invitation. Yes, others may be disappointed. But for an empath, events like these can have physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual impact that require significant recovery time.
If you decide to attend, are there things you can do to help moderate a potentially charged situation? Can you arrive ‘just in time’ and plan to leave in a timely manner? Is there a space within the event that is more conducive for you - a table or grouping off to the side or in another room, a task that allows you to move around a bit, or participating in a game or puzzle?
Some breathing patterns can help shift us out of a sympathetic nervous system response. These include deeper belly breaths or letting our exhales be a little longer than our inhales.
Focused sensory stimulation can help. Some people carry a fidget stim or wear bracelets or rings that can be used for similar purposes. Drinking a glass of water or fizzy (non-alcoholic) drink or intentionally munching on crunchy and/or spicy foods are other examples of sensory stims.
Jewelry and accessories made from natural materials such as crystals, wood, or fiber can also modulate our energy frequency.
We’re all wired differently. Listen to your body to identify what would work best for you.
And remember, be gentle with yourself.
In the area of the world I live, now is the time for planting bulbs that will emerge and bloom in the spring.
Energetically, we’re in the same sort of season.
What are you planting, fertilizing, and nurturing in your life for the spring?
Perhaps your brain just froze thinking about that. There’s the holidays and work and school and events and … and … and …
In our rapid paced lives, where EVERYTHING is happening ALL THE TIME, it is a radical act to take time to think and plan ahead. But, just like we need to plant spring bulbs now so they can overwinter in the soil, we need to plant some of our future into the soil of our soul now.
And it doesn’t have to be complicated.
I bought a 2023 calendar (that inspires and makes me smile) where I’m going to track some things and see what I learn about myself.
Someone I know got one of those exercise goal images for next year where you color in a small piece for distance/time biking, running, hiking, or walking.
Someone else I know is planning a spring vacation.
Someone else is signing up for class they’ve been wanting to take.
Someone else is creating a small ritual to start their morning differently.
What do you want in your life next spring? What is asking to be planted, fertilized, and nurtured now to prepare for that?
And yeah, I’m putting in some more actual bulbs because, hey, spring flowers are awesome!
You’ve changed. You can feel it in how you show up with others and how you show up for yourself. Deep in the marrow of your being, you have been on a path of transformation.
And now, heading into the holidays, some are beginning to feel the same old dread. How do you navigate interactions with family and friends who know the ‘old you’? How do you avoid feeling like you need to go back into the box of old patterns that used to serve you so well? You worry that being yourself, the new you, will cause tension and strife. Should you just ‘suck it up’ and pretend to be someone you’re not for the few hours or days of these interactions?
Actually, pretending usually isn’t so helpful.*
When we’re changing, or have changed, those around us probably already know.
Our energy precedes us into a space and we are constantly merging with and flowing in and out of the energies around us. We ‘sample’ what’s in the ocean of energy around us. It’s how we walk into a room and ‘read the room’ to see if it is comfortable, tense, or playful.
If others are paying attention at all, they sense that something has changed. Our words and actions simply provide confirmation to what they are sensing. Sometimes, they may not like the changes in us which can amplify the tension we feel.
And we’re afraid of the tension.
But we have no control of how others feel about us. Whether we hide ourselves away or live our lives out loud, they may like or dislike us. Accept or reject us.
But we can influence how we feel about ourselves.
And actually, how we feel about ourselves can be very helpful in changing situations. Here’s how it works.
When I’m not comfortable about who I am, I carry all sorts of questions and fears with me in my energy. You know the voices: Am I good enough? Do I fit in? Am I too weird?
Those fears and questions are what others feel. And so they become fearful and questioning around me. When I talk about myself awkwardly or with shame, they may sense there may be something awkward or shameful about me.
There will always be those who do not care for us and or our life path. In some cases, these will be toxic and we will need to separate the relationship or put additional distance between us.* But in many cases, a lot of what we feel is actually our own discomfort with our own growing pains.
As we allow ourselves to change, we will begin to seek and connect with those who are changed self resonates with. The more we find those with whom have shared voices (including books, shows, and movies) and spaces where we can encourage each other, the more we become comfortable in our skin and our own life.
In most cases, being comfortable in our own life allows others to be more comfortable with us.
Additionally, the more comfortable we are, the more we are able to give others permission to be on their own journey.
*If you, or others you know, are in a space where they are threatened, harassed, or encountering abuse of any sort, pretending or fitting in while making plans to escape from the situation may be necessary. Please seek support from those you can trust who can help you.