what's in the flow?
You’ve changed. You can feel it in how you show up with others and how you show up for yourself. Deep in the marrow of your being, you have been on a path of transformation.
And now, heading into the holidays, some are beginning to feel the same old dread. How do you navigate interactions with family and friends who know the ‘old you’? How do you avoid feeling like you need to go back into the box of old patterns that used to serve you so well? You worry that being yourself, the new you, will cause tension and strife. Should you just ‘suck it up’ and pretend to be someone you’re not for the few hours or days of these interactions?
Actually, pretending usually isn’t so helpful.*
When we’re changing, or have changed, those around us probably already know.
Our energy precedes us into a space and we are constantly merging with and flowing in and out of the energies around us. We ‘sample’ what’s in the ocean of energy around us. It’s how we walk into a room and ‘read the room’ to see if it is comfortable, tense, or playful.
If others are paying attention at all, they sense that something has changed. Our words and actions simply provide confirmation to what they are sensing. Sometimes, they may not like the changes in us which can amplify the tension we feel.
And we’re afraid of the tension.
But we have no control of how others feel about us. Whether we hide ourselves away or live our lives out loud, they may like or dislike us. Accept or reject us.
But we can influence how we feel about ourselves.
And actually, how we feel about ourselves can be very helpful in changing situations. Here’s how it works.
When I’m not comfortable about who I am, I carry all sorts of questions and fears with me in my energy. You know the voices: Am I good enough? Do I fit in? Am I too weird?
Those fears and questions are what others feel. And so they become fearful and questioning around me. When I talk about myself awkwardly or with shame, they may sense there may be something awkward or shameful about me.
There will always be those who do not care for us and or our life path. In some cases, these will be toxic and we will need to separate the relationship or put additional distance between us.* But in many cases, a lot of what we feel is actually our own discomfort with our own growing pains.
As we allow ourselves to change, we will begin to seek and connect with those who are changed self resonates with. The more we find those with whom have shared voices (including books, shows, and movies) and spaces where we can encourage each other, the more we become comfortable in our skin and our own life.
In most cases, being comfortable in our own life allows others to be more comfortable with us.
Additionally, the more comfortable we are, the more we are able to give others permission to be on their own journey.
*If you, or others you know, are in a space where they are threatened, harassed, or encountering abuse of any sort, pretending or fitting in while making plans to escape from the situation may be necessary. Please seek support from those you can trust who can help you.