In a season of healing, we long for peace and harmony. And yet, what we often find is conflict and drama – from others and in ourselves.
That emotional trauma that has been buried deeply, from whatever happened and whenever it happened, wants to come out. Sometimes we know to seek out someone who can hold space for us to process, body work, journaling time, or other ways of healing to let this work its way out of our body. However, even the most zen amongst us can still find themselves being snide, snarky, crying, or lashing out when these unsettled emotions bubble up.
Layer onto this that many people have not seen someone model healthy ways of processing. They’ve never been taught basic ways of handling their own emotions and inner chaos. So, they are also out there being snide, snarky, crying, or lashing out.
Two very important things to note:
What we end up with is a lot of conflict energy.
The conflict energy is almost never about what is happening in the moment.
We’re looking for a fight because we have this fight within us. Whatever is happening around us is just the bridge we use to get it out.
No, it is not the other person’s fault. Nor are we at fault when they unleash around us. We like to have scapegoats for our blow ups because we haven’t yet recognized that it is the chaos within us driving the situation.
So, what to do with conflict energy in and around us?
If it comes up from another, the first step is to recognize that the level 8 responses to a level 2 situation is a great clue that it is them, not us. If this is someone we know well, we may wish to hold space to help them process. But other times, we may need to put distance between us because they have a pattern of responding this way, the situation doesn’t feel safe, or we don’t have the capacity to in ourself to hold this kind of space for another at this time.
If we find ourself in conflict energy, it can be really helpful to burn up some of the physical energy that often accompanies conflict. A run, dancing around the house, a deep cry, or shaking (trauma releasing) are the types of things that can help move this energy in our body.
Once our physical body has calmed, we are more ready for talking, journaling, drawing, or other reflective and contemplative practices that help us go within.
Finally, don’t forget to breathe. A couple of breaths, letting the exhale be a little longer than the inhale, and allowing the shoulder blades to relax and drop, can help us do a mini reset until we have longer to process.